The Beatitudes of the Christian Far RightNovember 3, 2005
If the Christian Far Right had their way, the Beattitudes of Matthew 5 might look like this:
Lazy are the Poor in Society, for they can’t see that if they were in the will of God, they’d be rich by now.
Sentimental are they who mourn, for don’t they know that we’ll see that person in heaven…pull it together, this is a Joyous “sending out” day.
Useless are the Meek, for they let the Democrats have all the great Mall marches.
Important are those who hunger and thirst for self-righteousness, for they shall be elected to write all our laws.
Traitors are the Merciful, for can’t they see that it’s a waste of God’s money to feed people in countries where they can’t even contribute to the Coalition.
Annoying are the Pure in Heart, for they keep talking about ethics. Talk to Bill Clinton and his womanizing heart, and stop pointing out how Pat Robertson issued a Fatwah against an elected South American President.
Wimpy are the Peacemakers, for they’re being duped by the Ecumenical Movement.
Blessed are you if you are persecuted for right-thinking’s sake, for you will get Justice if we appoint Pat, Pat and Jerry to the Supreme Court.