Children and Lie-based ThinkingJune 23, 2006
Several of you (notably RA, Alli, Kim and TBM) have been concerned about your children, concerned that maybe your children are accruing lie-based thinking and then wondering how to prevent it. The question asked me frequently is “how do I prevent my child from believing the kind of lies I have believed?” The second question is its sister: “How can I prevent them from believing any lies at all?” Over the years, my responses have probably been a little too glib, generally assuring parents that they don’t have to worry overly much about causing trauma to children. I say this to imply that it is not the actions or inactions of parents that result in children believing lies. It is the meaning the child attaches to the actions of others that can cause ill effect.
But I have always been somewhat uneasy with my incomplete answer to these questions of careful parents. Basic core understanding of Theophostic ministry tells us that all memories are simply containers. The lies in the memories are what radiate the pain to the adult. But what if the person feeling the pain is still a child? Where is that pain radiating from? And can we do anything to thwart lies before they become full-blown LBT? After reading the remarks of several colleagues, I am now convinced there are several ways we can deal with the lies our children bring home from life.
First, let’s review how we acquire our basic core belief system. As we go through life, we have two sets of decisions we are making. The first involves the observations of life’s patterns, our place in those patterns and how others fit into our lives. These observations start out as first-time experiences and over time grow to become repetitive observations. That means that the longer we experience similar things, the more chance we will have a better understanding of the meaning of those events. But not always. If a certain traumatic event (e.g. molestation, violence, lying, alcoholism, unkept promises, etc.) keeps happening around the same child over a long period of time, the Osmotic lie is more likely to become a part of the child than if they experience these traumas only once. That is just the law of averages. It does not mean the child is doomed to believe lies based on these traumatic experiences, but it is more likely. However, even one experience with relatively minor traumas can offer the opportunity to believe a lie. For instance, a child may fail at school and feel like a failure. Few children can say they never have that experience. But they may attach meaning to that failure and believe they will always fail. Because these things happen so frequently, how can a parent prevent this?
The second way we acquire core values is to decide how we will react to what we observe. This is often how secondary characteristics of personality are formed. We may develop characteristics of people-pleasing, shyness, lollygaggism, laziness, acute sense of guilt – all as reactions to lie-based beliefs. We may even discard the lies and still keep the reactions.
A parent can do two things. The most important thing is a standard in any parents’ panoply of weapons: The Question. As parents observe their children voicing lie-based conclusions, they have the opportunity to challenge that thinking. Children are much more maleable with their belief systems than an adult is. Let me give an example. If a child is afraid they will never be loved, the parent can challenge that viewpoint. I don’t mean just stating the obvious. It doesn’t work to just tell a child they are wrong: “What do you mean you don’t think you’ll be loved? Are you an idiot?” will probably cause more harm than it solves. Instead, ask questions and probe the source of the lie-based pain. Find out what leads them to believe it. When you determine what faulty logic or observation it is based upon, you can give another viewpoint. All of us discard most of our LBT by the time we are adults. If we challenge this thinking in our children early then they are much more likely to discard it than hold onto it.
But let’s assume that children latch upon an idea which is dangerous and lie-based. It is also possible to do TP with children. In fact, many practitioners of TPM feel that children are much easier to do it with.
Dr. Karl Lehman has written a paper on the subject. Allow me to quote several parts of this publication:
1. The core/source memories for any given lie are easier to find in children because they are usually more recent and are buried in a smaller pile of life events,
2. It is easier to find and connect emotionally with core/source memories because a child’s
psychological defenses tend to be less complicated and less entrenched. Psychological
defenses with effects that accumulate over time, such as repression, will especially be less
3. In general, children seem to perceive the spiritual realm more easily than adults. We have
heard many stories about situations (Theophostic® sessions, worship services, life in general)
in which the children present saw Jesus and/or angels and/or demonic spirits, but the
adults saw nothing.
Don’t feel that they have to have an adult understanding of things to get rid of the lies. Be gentle with them. As you walk through the memories, ask if they want to let go of certain ideas. If they do, then invite God to come into the memory. Another couple that works with children in TPM writes,
“One child we work with is ADD, one is a victim of incest, and one is suffering with chronic depression. The child with ADD is grade-school age and has been coming for about 7 months. It was very difficult to get started with her. After approximately 6 sessions, we accessed a dissociated internal part and things have dramatically changed since then. We have seen God touch this little one powerfully in certain sessions where she has been bouncing off the walls, being distracted by everything in the room to being right in Jesus’ lap and calm within minutes.
When I say we accessed an dissociated internal part, it was completely God’s doing. We had
made no mention of dissociation or alters, and in one particular session she said ‘I keep seeing
something strange. It’s a little baby head and it’s peeking over a wall every once in a
while, and I hear a little sound like a tiny beep when it shows up.’ The details following were
quite interesting. God asked the ‘baby’ to crawl over the wall to the other side and when she
did, she found a big balloon and Jesus handed the baby a pin and asked her to break the
balloon. She said she was afraid to because she felt there was something in the balloon that
would frighten or hurt her. So I asked Jesus to explain to her what was in the balloon, and
within 3 seconds she said ‘a memory.’ So she broke the balloon and instantly had a childhood
memory from approximately age one. The Lord revealed an abandonment lie and brought
truth, and integration took place quite quickly. Since that time we have accessed another
dissociated internal part (recently) which has been a bit tougher to deal with. The only difference
from dealing with this girl in comparison to an adult is conversing in a level she can
comprehend and of course being sensitive to her attention restrictions. Sometimes we just
stop the session and take a break.
“The child who was a victim of incest is a preteen girl. In the very first session, she didn’t
really want to be there but agreed to come and just talk to the facilitators. Within 5 minutes
God had her talking about her inability to trust or like men. Incidentally, there was a man and
a woman in the session with her. Also, we had no idea of her situation. Jesus came quickly
and took her to the abuse issue and the abreaction was extremely intense. He brought truth
and then she ran over to the woman and asked for a hug. At the end of the session she hugged
the man as well, and said how good that felt because she had always thought all men were
bad. This was the first time since the incident that she was able to hug a male. We find with
her that she asks quite often for physical touch (hugs) after her sessions. We were apprehensive
at first as we have a hands off policy with all our clients, but with this child we felt
directed to comply. It seems the Lord is doing a healing through this interaction as well. I
don’t quite understand that part yet. Currently we are dealing with anger issues still in her
life, but she is an amazing little girl so willing to follow Jesus.
The quotations above are taken from Dr. Lehman’s paper and represent very traumatic memories and difficult lies. Your children will be much easier to help. You will undoubtedly find that your children see and hear the Lord with incredible accuracy and detail. Fight the tendency to interpret what they’re seeing. Treat them with respect and let the Lord help them interpret. Do all the same things with your children that were done with you, with the possible exception of relying upon them to voice the names of certain emotions. It might be handy to have a “Feelings Word-Finder” chart handy to work from. You can pick these up at many teacher’s stores.
Other than that, just enjoy the changes that can happen with your child as they grow up without the burdens of the lies you grabbed hold of along the way.