Now America Has Started Its Final DaysOctober 18, 2006
You have to read this. I am not kidding. If you don’t read this article from Massachusetts you may miss out on reading the moment when our country finally went over the edge and qualified us for what Lewis Black calls “A National Aneurism waiting to happen”.
Here is the essence of the article:
Officials at an elementary school south of Boston have banned kids from playing tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chase game during recess for fear they’ll get hurt and hold the school liable.
Recess is “a time when accidents can happen,” said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.
While there is no districtwide ban on contact sports during recess, local rules have been cropping up. Several school administrators around Attleboro, a city of about 45,000 residents, took aim at dodgeball a few years ago, saying it was exclusionary and dangerous.
Recess is a time when accidents can happen? Who let this woman out of her padded room? Of course recess is a time when accidents happen. So is 6 a.m. So is noon. So is that time on Sunday afternoon when you can’t stay awake any longer. Accidents happen all the time, doing any kind of activity.
A friend of mine got out of bed one morning and stepped on a toothpick that was laying in wait on the carpet. That seemingly benign event resulted in (and I am not kidding) 3 years of medical therapy! So what can we conclude from his ordeal? That we should not get out of bed in the morning.
Later in the article, another school official is quoted as saying, “her son feels safer because of the rule. “I’ve witnessed enough near collisions,” she said”. We have a perfectly good word for near collisions in English – it’s called a “miss”. I have near collisions every time I go on the Freeway. I have thousands of near collisions every week going from my home to my office. In fact, the car that just drove past my house as I write this had a near collision with my house…and I am thankful he did. About the only thing we really ought to be concerned about in this country is when objects larger than my house have near collisions with each other. Like oil tankers and bridge abuttments, two random airplanes, and the egos of Hugo Chavez and anyone moronic enough to enter into a discussion with him.
In the article, they talk about banning tag, dodgeball and touch football. Think about it people. These games were developed so kids wouldn’t play some of the games I played as a kid, which included full-contact fighting, real football, hitting people with stick games and my son’s personal favorite “Smear the Idiot”. You play Smear the Idiot by placing a football in the middle of about 6-10 guys. The stupidest of them, also eroneously assumed to be the bravest, picks up the football and tries to survive all the others smearing him. Schools invented tag to avoid Smear the Idiot.
But really, what was this school thinking? Most school psychologists will tell you that fairly soon, school will only be for girls. For boys to learn most effectively, they need to be almost continuously active. ‘Four recesses a day’ is the bare minimum proposed by one of America’s most eminent educational psychologists and head of that department at Rosameade College. Boys do well at tests and competitions. So it really seems that someone’s goal is to make education more feminine; Look at it: we eliminate most testing, most competitions and all contact sports.
I used to count having a bloody nose from an actual collision the mark of a good day – not the basis of a lawsuit.