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If The Man Were Honest…

March 2, 2007

This just in from Fox News’ Jonathan Morris:

This week “Titanic” director James Cameron and Canadian television director, Simcha Jacobovici stood proudly at the New York City library to announce the release of a new book and documentary called “The Tomb of Jesus.” They claim to have uncovered the remains of Jesus and his family, including Mary Magdalene, (Jesus’ supposed wife) and their child, Judah.

If he were honest, this is what Mr. Cameron would have said to the press:

“My dearest friends in the media,

Thank you for being here. I must admit, I am pleasantly surprised so many of you have come. Our public relations company had quite the challenge to convince you our commercial projects were headline-worthy. After all, what we are peddling is pseudo-science based on old and discredited news. But we obviously hired the right company. They came through on their promise that you wouldn’t remember, or wouldn’t care, that when this tomb was discovered twenty seven years ago, the Jewish archeologist in charge of the investigation, Amos Kloner, determined it was not the tomb of Jesus and his family and that, in fact, it is unlikely Jesus and his relatives even had a family tomb. To think that not a single respected archeologist from the Holy Land region is willing to go on record that our claims are true, and still you are here with us today, is mind-boggling. How can we thank you enough?

We really got scared when people like Joe Zias, who spent 25 years as an archeologist at Rockefeller University in Jerusalam, called into question our integrity. I think he said publicly “Simcha has no credibility whatsoever.” And even though the great archeologist, Amos Kloner, tried to rain on our party when he said, “The claim that the burial site has been found is not based on any proof, and is only an attempt to sell,” you were not deterred. You are here, and we are so happy!

By the way, did you hear our book is now in the top five of Amazon.com? Amazing! I am thinking about doing some other projects where I set science — even pseudo-science — up against religion. I think I’ll release them during the annual “slam Christianity season” — Lent and Easter — featuring a New York City press conference. We’ll win every time. Christians will be quiet. They won’t set cars on fire or blow anyone up, precisely because they believe in the Resurrection, that Jesus’ way of peace is better. They will, however, get nervous because they don’t really know much about their faith and will buy the book and watch the show.

This brings me to the real point of today’s press conference. Today is my day for revenge. When I received my Oscar for best director a few years ago, I looked out into the crowd and proclaimed, “I am the king of the world”. That’s what I felt on that day and I wouldn’t have said it, if I didn’t believe it. But some of my Hollywood colleagues have looked down on me ever since. They thought I was exaggerating. As my movie credits prove, I’ve been sidelined since that day. But when I found the two-thousand year old scribblings on a tomb wall and, with the help of mathematicians, extrapolated that Jesus’ tomb was not really empty, that he may not have risen from the dead, as two billion people believe today, I realized how true my Oscar’s acceptance speech really was. It was kind of prophetic, I guess. The real king of the world — James Cameron — calls into question the King of Kings.

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6 comments

  1. It’s all about money. And why let the truth get in the way of making a buck? The sickening part is that a fair number of Christian writers will come out with all kinds of books debunking the bunk; and they will make a few bucks themselves. Where does it stop?


  2. It doesn’t stop. Remember the scramble to buy the workbooks on the Davinci Code so you could “learn to share the real truth with your unbelieving friends”. How much money was made on that? Forget about using the Bible as your workbook. But hey, lots of money was made.
    Great satire Mike, did you write that yourself? I can just picture that idiot saying those exact words.


  3. In a country where we care more about and give more media attention to the death of a playboy star than a former US president,how can we be surprised??
    I believe the satire was written by a Priest…..
    My 5 year old son is currently “addicted” to watching the death and resurrection of Jesus…I now know two videos by heart as he wants to watch them daily. He wants us to read his children’s Bible every night: each page a part of the Resurrection story. He dreams of walking through Jeruselum, he dreams of helping take Jesus off the cross, of the resurrected Jesus speaking to him and calling him. If only us adult Christians could be so humbly dedicated to the real Truth! Especially during Lent. makesmy beef fast seem small and easy. I find his urgings to be sent directly from Jesus himslef, speaking through a child to keep our minds on the important stuff in our home! :O)


  4. Anon #2: Indeed, the satirical piece (as I noted at the top) is from Father Jonathan Morris, who regularly contributes to Fox News online and is a very able and brilliant writer.


  5. There is an interesting and new development in this debate here: http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/scholar-cites-mistake-in-jesus-tomb-film/20070313203609990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

    This is new as of 3/13


  6. This site has a few, short video clips that illuminate a few helpful points for Christians who care about this controversy but aren’t overly interested in all of the details.

    http://www.realfusion.com/

    My two favorite authors on this topic who engage in more detail are:

    Darrell Bock: http://dev.bible.org/bock/
    and
    Ben Witherington:
    http://benwitherington.blogspot.com/



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