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Lies that Make Porn Easier

August 21, 2007

One of the big misunderstandings perpetuated by those who do not struggle with porn is that it is all about sex. There is no question that porn focuses upon people as sexual images, two-dimensional objects of desire. But this does not mean that the subtext is sexual at its core. At its core, porn is focusing on medicating pain.

As I mentioned in the last post, more women than ever are viewing porn at least monthly. Because men and women tend to have similar kinds of pain in their lives (though the sources are often very different), we can assume that women are using porn to medicate as men have done for years.

This “medicating” process is not unlike the use of recreational or prescription drugs, alcohol abuse or workaholism in its approach to dealing with internal pain. This of course begs the question “why does pain still hang onto us?” As Dr. Ed Smith teaches concerning lie-based thinking, most pain which has the lasting power of years had its origins in young childhood. When one examines certain hallmark memories that contain pain, the pain usually emanates from certain lies that we believe. Therefore, porn’s goal (whether understood or not) is to medicate against the ravages of lies that women believe.

What are the lies that porn may seem to help with? I can immediately think of six lies which often show up in Theophostic ministry sessions with women.

1. “My Life Will never be in my control”. Someone who has been abused, used and had power taken away from them as a child may feel that internal helplessness, especially in the complex working out of relational problems. With porn, the fantasy is that the possessor of porn is completely in control of the images and the acting out of the fantasy. The men and women in the pictures do what you want them to do.

2. “I will be abandoned in all my relationships”. This lie contains a mountain of pain and sends many people into suicidal jaunts. During the treatment of pain, porn can sometimes play a role for women. With porn, you can peer through the fourth wall and watch the lives of those who are engaging in intimacy. It doesn’t take much to believe that you are part of that scene and experiencing a type of intimacy that really doesn’t exist. But the porn stars do not leave you or abandon you. They can be brought back to the beginning any time the woman wants. That usually cannot be done in real life.

3. “I am a dirty person”. This is called the “tainted lie” and often is found with women who were molested. Even if they can honestly acknowledge that they were not to blame for what happened they internally feel they will never be clean again. Porn simply plays upon that lie and proves it to the person. They enjoy the high of porn and then convince themselves it is because they are dirty. So they don’t bother even to challenge the lie any more and just assume a way of life mentally based upon their pre-conceived notion of themselves.

4. “No one will love me”. This ought to be obvious how this leads to porn use. And this doesn’t have to just appeal to single women either. Married women might assume that their husband’s lack of interest in sex, (or sexual interest of a lesser intensity than the wife) means that they do not love them. The viewing of porn gives a type of love which, though it is unsatisfying, is enough to get through the night.

5. “I am unlovable”. This lie forces women to hide who they are. Since porn is all about false intimacy, they can revel in the sex life of another and assume that this is all they will ever have.

6. “I am afraid and this fear will never leave.” The viewing of porn and the release of orgasm from masturbation has been shown to release chemicals that alleviate some of the lesser symptoms of Obseessive-compulsive disorder and any number of phobias. The longer that someone uses porn to escape fears, the more this becomes an addictive behavior.

The answer to all of these lies is to let God lead you to the Truth. For more about this, go to www.theophostic.com.

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